When you break up with someone you love it really hurts. You have all that history together and you remember all the good times you once shared and all the happy memories you have of your time together. You feel so heartbroken and try to figure out what went wrong.
But sometimes a relationship ends simply because it has come to the natural end of its life. I believe some relationships have a limited time, it doesn’t mean the relationship was bad or worthless, it can simply mean that you are now moving in different directions and want different things from life.
When I got married many years ago, I like many people, believed it would last forever. I was young, in love and had romantic ideas about married life. As it turned out my marriage lasted for 18 years, which I think is not too bad by today’s standards.
Towards the end things got really bad between me and my ex husband and it was a relief when we decided to end it. The marriage had been going wrong for a long time and despite trying hard to make it work, in the end things were too far gone and it had to end. But once we decided it was over, we could then be friends and stop all the fighting.
Looking back I see the relationship as a time we had together that was limited and that was just the way it was meant to be. We had good times and bad times. I like to remember the good times and not be consumed with hate or bitterness. Its not worth it. We had our time together and then it was time to move on.
I cannot imagine still being married to my ex husband now, it feels like a lifetime ago. And I feel like different person.
I think that is the reason why a lot of relationships break down and end. People want different things at that particular period in their lives.
For example you could be dating some gorgeous guy and you feel like its time to get serious and you want more commitment. You start applying pressure on him but he only wants a casual relationship so he eventually breaks up with you. Perhaps a couple of years down the line he would have been ready for more commitment, but at that particular time he wasn’t.
Another time a relationship ends because you grow apart and just want different things out of life. People change other the years, tastes change, points of view change and if you don’t change in the same direction as your partner, then it could mean the end of the relationship.
People often stay together out of habit. You get so used to your partner being part of your life, it feels comfortable and natural. Even if the couple are always fighting and arguing, it can become a way of life that is so familiar to them that they think its normal.
Being single again can be a bit scary. You can get so used to having your partner to turn to and lean on.
But being single again can also be great. You regain your freedom and can do just as you please. There is no one to answer to but yourself.
The world is full of possibilities and other people.
So if you find your broken relationship is just not worth saving, then move on.
Be strong and enjoy being a single independent person again.
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Great insight on broken relationships. It gave me an idea to look at it differently. If you are not meant for each other then it would just end. Though it may take time to move on, just remember to believe that there are more possibilities out there.
Thanks for your comment Jenny. Yes when a relationship breaks down it can seem like the end of the world but if your ex was not the right person for you, then move on and find someone else.
But if you both still love each other and are prepared to work hard to save your broken relationship, then this really is possible.
What if you are unsure if it should be mended or not? My situation is far passed the breakup stage. My boyfriend broke up with me after 2 and a half years of dating. We have remained very close friends and neither one of us have really dated anyone else until now. Part of that has been we both just moved to a new city and it’s been very hard to meet people, relationship and friendship wise. He has started to see someone casually. It has been a little over 2 years since we broke up. I don’t think we would work if we got back together now, but I do feel we have a real chance in the future. I’m just afraid we won’t get that chance and it is making it harder to deal with now. I guess, what will be will be, but I think the answer I am looking for is whether or not people can find each other again after years and other relationships in between. I’m sure it’s possible, but does it happen?
Hi Megan
I have heard of couples who do get back together after many years apart (and other relationships), so it can happen. Look at Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton they married each other twice (or three times) after splitting up and getting back together. Perhaps not the best example but I have often seen stories in newspapers and magazines where couples who divorced years ago get back together and make a new life together.
But you can’t put your life on hold in the hope that you and your ex will get back together again. I know it’s not easy but you must try and move on. You can still remain friends and remember the happy times you had together, but you must look forward and not back. I am sure given time you will meet someone else.
Try to take one day at a time and enjoy the small pleasures in life i.e. a sunny day, rain, a beautiful flower, the wind on your face, delicious food, pets, friends etc etc.
I wish you well.
Great articles about broken relationships. You are right! All the begging, calling, texting, and promising only pushed him away. What kept us together and brought us together temporary is our amazing attraction for each other physically and sexually. We are very compatible in that area. But we are suck at communicating. Will counseling help us communicate better? Is it worth saving our relationship with counseling?
Hi Anna
I think it’s great if you have an amazing physical and sexual attraction for each other, but the trouble is that in time physical attraction can diminish and if there is nothing else in the relationship, you are not going to be left with much.
But I do think counselling could work for you and your partner if you are both willing to give it a try. If your partner won’t go to counselling, you could actually go to counselling on your own as it could help you to deal with the situation. I wish you all the best.
It’s not really the love that is hard to sustain but rather a commitment that would complicates everything.
Hi nile
Yes some people do find it hard to make a commitment and that can cause problems. If you can’t make a commitment then sometimes it’s best to walk away.
My girlfriend broke up with me after six years and told me that she doesn’t want this superficial relationship anymore and that she is moving on, but after my emails begging to not give up says, “of course I want to believe there’s a chance for us”, “of course I want my life with you, but only if you figure out that’s what you really want.” I know that she’s tired of how we live and that has been a strain on our relationship. It’s so hard to lose her after so many wonderful years that have been so amazing for both of us. I want to fight for her, but also want to respect her need for space and for me to take some time and self reflect. The way I feel right now and have told her that I love her, want to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her, but she doesn’t believe me and thinks it’s out of desperation because I’m losing her. I am totally in love with this woman and she has said that she still loves me too. It’s so hard to let go and not text, email or call her, but she’s starting to get angry with me. Do I have a better chance at a future if I give her the space she’s asking for? How long before I should attempt to reach out to her in a delicate way? If too much time goes by I’m afraid I will lose her forever. Thank you so much for your insight.
Hi Don
I am sorry to hear you are going through a difficult time with your girlfriend. It is hard to make the right decision, but if she wants some space then you really must respect her and let her have that space. You cannot force someone to be with you.
If you can be strong and give her the space she needs and use that time to reflect on things and try to improve yourself, then I am sure given time she will begin to miss you. But please don’t just sit at home waiting for her to call you, do try and go out and enjoy yourself. I realise that enjoying yourself is probably the last thing you want to do, but why not call up some old mates and have a night out with the guys. I am sure that will make you feel better and take your mind off things.
I think you and your girlfriend both need time to calm down and get away from the situation. Trust me, give her a few weeks and if she really loves you, I am sure she will contact you again.
I wish you all the best.
My situation is similar to what Don is going through. My boyfriend and I were together for 9 years. We bought a house together 6 years ago and he proposed to me last year. I started making wedding plans but in early spring he told me he wanted to sell the house and spend some time apart. At the time, I didn’t really understand what was happening. The more I wanted to talk through the issues, the more distant and angry he became. Eventually, it got to the point where he wanted me to move out immediatly. I think it was because I started crying all the time. It made no difference that I was pregnant with his son. I moved out by summer. He says he doesn’t want to “break-up” and that he just needs his “space” and that things will “work out”. I am still in love with this man and I want to fight for him and give him what he needs. I don’t think he really believes me when I tell him that I was always in love with him. Now that I’m having his baby, I want to fall in love with him all over again! I just don’t know when this is going to happen or how much “space” he needs? I’ve been gone for several months but he still wants several more months of “space” until he feels “healed”. I’m not sure that I understand what this means? I don’t want to loose him and I’m worried that too much time apart is going to create a huge void between us.
Hi Kristen
I am so sorry to hear of your situation. I am not surprised that you are feeling very confused by your boyfriend’s behaviour. It seems very harsh to make you move out, especially when you are pregnant with his child. If you have already given him several months of “space” and he still wants more, I am really not sure what to suggest. It seems to me that he is being very selfish but it could be that he is scared of facing the responsibility of bringing up a child.
I think you could benefit from some professional advice at somewhere like Relate. If your boyfriend is unwilling to have counselling, you could still attend alone and get yourself some help and advice.
Good luck.
Hi guys,
i just broke up with my girlfriend, we had some three months of golden time which i feel is worth for life. I am in a deep trouble missing her every second. She isnt picking my calls neither replying for my messsages, i went wrong certain times when we were together I couldn time for her as i went busy with work and friends. She felt i ignored her but in real sense i never did. Whenever she find me, she becomes very angry. I dont know how to convince her cause she isnt giving me a space to talk. Without communication how should i convince her…… Guys please help me on this. I am really in a helpless situation.
Thank you in advance
Hi Sam
I am sorry to hear about your break up. I know it is very difficult, but you must really be patient and give your girlfriend the space she needs. The more you hassle her to talk, the more desperate you sound to her and the more she will resist talking to you.
I would advise you to leave her alone for at least 2 weeks and in that time she may well contact you. You cannot force someone to talk to you,
I would also advise you not to sit around moping and feeling sorry for yourself. Try and carry on with your life as normal, go out with your friends, do things that you enjoy doing. That way you will make yourself a more interesting person. Be strong and give it a try – you can do it!
Me and my bf are facing a problem. We have been together for 6 years almost 7 years. We tend to hang on with each other very close, spending all time together mostly. Recently we have a minor argument, and since then we cant really communicate well. He tend to forget the promise that he made, and dun really like to bring me along for an outing. Do you all believe after being with each other for too long, either one of us will get bored? There are few times, where we argue and tend to break up, but in the end back together, it’s not so easy to let go a relationship which has lasted for so long. We even plan to bought a hse and even started our own family. I admit it’ll be very hard to let go this relationship after sharing, spending all times together with him but i’m not happy. No one knows. I really dunno what else I can do. Pls advice.
Hi Julz
It is hard to let go of a relationship when you have been together for so long, but sometimes it is best to move on, especially if you are not happy with him anymore. Why waste your life on someone who is making you miserable.
I know it will be difficult but I am sure you will eventually meet someone else.
I would suggest that for now take a step back from this relationship and make some time for yourself and go back to doing the things you enjoy doing. Meet up with some girlfriends and have a night out or a shopping trip.
Sometimes when we have been in a close relationship for a long time, it is not easy to see things clearly and it is only when you look back on a relationship that you realize it was not right for you.
I wish you good luck and all the best.
[...] But sometimes a relationship ends simply because it has come to the natural end of its life. I believe some relationships have a limited time, it doesn’t mean the relationship was bad or worthless, it can simply mean that you are now moving in different directions and want different things from life. via brokenrelationshipadvice.com [...]
Hi everyone,
My situation is a lil tricky & everything is jus messed up my eyes are wet while writing this & I expect someone to temme whr this is goin.
I started dating a gal who had a past relation of 4 yrs as her first love she broke up with that guy a yr back & then I came into her life we spent wonderful 6 months wherein we discussed marriage n all I met her folks n everyone arnd her. Things were goin perfectly until few weeks back she told me she cant get over her ex & she wants to tok to him altough they cant get back together but its nw impossible for her to move on I tried everything to make her understand but all in vein she hasnt told me that she wants to breakup with me but whenever we tok she cries for that guy n now for the last 10 days there is no communication bw us m so lost.
I want her back plz help me!!!!
Hi Malik
Your situation is very sad. I can tell how upset you are over this situation.
If you want my advice I would have to say, give her some time and space I know it’s hard to do but if you keep on pressuring her, you will only drive her further away.
Be very strong and take a step back. Just leave her alone for a few weeks. By leaving her alone for a while and giving her some time without you will achieve two things. First of all you will be giving her time to think things through without pressure and she will appreciate you for allowing her to do so.
Secondly it will give her time to miss you.
When you take a step back and leave her alone, she will be very surprised and begin to think about YOU and not her ex.
One last thing – please don’t sit around moping during this time. Go out with your friends and have some fun (at least try it). Buy yourself some new clothes, do something you enjoy doing and keep busy. Before you know it, she will be contacting you and wanting you back.
Good luck!
hey thnks a tonn for the advice i’ll stick to it
one more thing i wanted to tell u is this has happened once before a month back when she said she needs time to thnk abt us but i kept pressurising her throughtout so she said fyn shez wid me she doesnt thnk abt him nymore but horrors of horrors that things lasted for a week till i found her crying again for him….Jesus!
But now i’ll give her the space no text no mails no calls
And Whoso ever you are…..the kinda work ure doin for ppl here…….God Bless You!!
You are very welcome and I hope things work out the way you want them to.
But please also remember, there are plenty more nice girls out there.
Bless you too and good luck!
i’ve been with my girlfriend for just over 3 years and recently things have been kinda going downhill. arguments over trivial things, she feels like i dont trust her, i feel like she doesnt respect me. we both want to be with each other and Love each other SO much. but things have gone to sh*t over the last few days though, her family apparently never want anything to do with me ever again because of a small incident; she was out with some of her family, at a pub watching football and earlier in the day she was supposed to come meet me but called and said she didnt see the point in coming to see me because it wouldnt be for long. this upset me so i called her to talk about it, she kept saying it was rude of her to be on the phone, bearing in mind, she was at a pub, watching football… she hung up randomly, i called back, she got annoyed at me for calling, hung up, i tried calling several more times and she didnt answer until the last time and she just shouted at me “F*CK OFF”!! hung up. i called back and out of anger said “dont ever talk to me, ever again!”. instantly knew it was a mistake but a part of me kind of wanted to see how she would react to this. later on i went to meet her to make up, we talked and agreed to stay together. afterwards i said she should go back into the pub with her family, but she said she didnt want to, she wanted to come back to my house with me. BUT now her family have it in their heads that i planned this whole thing to get her to leave the pub and come to my house because im supposedly controlling and apparently i cant stand her being with anybody else other than myself??? her mum has told her that she thinks im a failure and have no future (im 20 and have no idea what i want to do yet) and im no longer welcome in her house. My GF still hasnt told her family what actually happened which is really starting to get to me because its nearly been a week since then and she has told me that all her family and all her friends think she should break up with me! i just dont know what to do! i have it set in my head and my heart that this is the only girl for me and im 99% i’d kill myself if i lost her. all this extra SH*T on top of our own problems is putting so much pressure on us and my GF has her A2 exams coming up (studying Law, Business and Geography, wants to be a solicitor) and that alone was almost too much extra stress and now her friends and her family getting in the way… the way i see it, its only a matter of time until she says “i cant do this anymore, i give up.”
please help, i just dont know what the right thing to do
Hi Chris
I’m sorry to hear you are having problems with your girlfriend. It must be very difficult for you.
First of all I have to say that NO-ONE is worth killing yourself for. Trust me on this! You may feel like this now but at 20 you are very young and there are lots of other girls in the world.
I really do think that you should give your girlfriend some space. I know this will be difficult, but as you say, she has her exams coming up and needs to concentrate on them at the moment. If you do really love each other, as you say you do, then what is a few weeks out of a lifetime?
My advice is to be very strong and move aside for a while. Tell her you are going to leave her alone to concentrate on her exams and you must keep to your word. She will appreciate you for allowing here this time.
Use this time to sort yourself out. Try and find out what you want to do with your life. If you don’t have a job, then try find yourself a job. Perhaps you could find a course to enroll in and study something that interests you. Just don’t sit around moping OK. Go out with your friends and have a laugh.
Sometimes if you really love someone you have to let them go. If your love for each other is true, she will come back to you in her own time when she has finished here exams. If not then she is not worth it.
I wish you lots of luck.
thankyou for your reply!
we woke up happy, spent today together, no problems, no arguments. she has talked to her family and explained what they think happened was actually a much more complex situation and i wasnt trying to control her.
i agree with what you have said completely and my girlfriend has said similar things in the past, but when she wanted to have a break it was right in the middle of all this happening and everything was kind of rocky. i didnt agree and said no at that moment because i didnt want things to be really bad and then us spend a load of time apart without making up and fixing things.
we have now made up and im not one to brag but last night… was, her words, the best she’s ever had!
her mum is still continuing to tell her she’s better off without me because apparently she’s gonna fail all her exams because of spending too much time with me… she always stays round fridays, goes home at 6pm the next day (24 hours), see each other on mondays and wednesdays for a few hours and occassionaly meet up at other times in the week; i dont really think thats “too much” time together.
i am starting to compromise and letting her have space when she wants it, even if i really want to see her, i try to not let her know its making me sad not seeing her so that she doesnt feel bad or feel guilt tripped.
and she is starting to respect me more now that she understands how i was feeling and what i was thinking!
we both want to spend our lives together and will make it work, even though she is off to uni in september for 3 years and will be moving an hours drive away!! she knows how much i get upset thinking about it and she wants me to move near to the uni, but of course, that requires an income that will pay for 2 people to live :/
i also have a general idea of what i want to do career wise but its essentially starting my own business so im just going to try get a decent paid job, get saving and hope i can then get a job near the uni and move down near where she goes too!
i suggest to anyone reading this in a similar situation, DONT GIVE UP! keep talking and tell them everything you are thinking and feeling, spend a day or so apart thinking everything through and do some stress releasing activities (else if you argue, you will get angry like i did and will regret what you say!)
if it is meant to be, everything will always work out in the end!
Hi Chris
I’m very happy that you and your girlfriend have talked things over and come to an understanding. One of the worse things for couples is when they are not able to talk to each other and be honest about their feelings.
In every relationship there has to be some sort of compromise.
It looks like you both have a positive attitude and are prepared to make the relationship work.
Thank you for sharing your story with everyone and I wish you lots of happiness for the future.
im with im boyfriend 6yrs and have been true alot togeter i love him very much but im startn to think he isnit what i want for my futher i want differnt things from what he wants the problem is i live in his house not ours and havent got much family have good friends but all live ah home with there mothers i could go live with my dad but that in ah differnt town and tink im afarid in ah new town with none of my friends around for support im kinda going true ah diffuclt time now two good friends past away and im going true all the emotions of that aswell an dont tink this is worth saven anymre
Hi Lisa
I am sorry to hear you are going through a difficult time at the moment. The loss of two good friends has also naturally upset you too.
I know it is difficult breaking up from a long term relationship but sometimes it is for the best.
I wonder if you could perhaps go and stay with your dad for a short break to get away from the situation and it would give you some time and space to think things through. Often just getting away from things and being in a different environment for a short time can help you to see things a bit clearer. Also being away from your boyfriend and spending time apart will also help you to decide what you want for the future.
I wish you all the best.
hi, i wish to seek for an advice…
i’m 21 this year, been with a girl (19 this year) for over a year already.. our relationship started out quite strong as how a new relationship suppose to be.. i do all i could to make her happy, even using up my money and spent it on her.. there is a time where i flirted with a girl online, i admit to it, and changed my ways after that.. but things have been going shaky since a month back.. she had been with a guy, as what i heard, flirting casually with him… she even went to bed with him.. after that incident, she expressed that she wanted to break up with me but she dint tell me what is her reason.. the next day, i found it out through her facebook chat (we got each other’s password at that time) and i was furious that she rather break up with me to be with him.. i confronted her about it and after a long discussion, i decided to forgive her and give her a 2nd chance (she told me that that guy forced her).. she even told me that she will appreciate me more and etc. the following 3 weeks, she been saying that she wants to break up with me, with the reason that she wants to be single for some time as she havent experienced that (she was in relationship after relationship)… but she told me that she will want me back in the future… i was reluctant at first but then i have to give in to her request… despite being single, we’re attached to each other still.. then 2 days back, she started to get furious at me for mixing around girls too much (i rarely had guy friends since small, so i’m sort of used to being around girls).. and we quarrel the whole night, and she stresses that its all my fault and blame me for everything and asked me to choose etc. then at late night, she called me and say that what she said before this is just for fun.. today, she did the same thing again, saying bad words, and started to change into someone that i dont really know.. its painful to know that i have poured so much into this relationship, and she never appreciated me.. and now she’s blaming me for everything, saying stuff about my friends.. and she said that she dont want me to find her anymore… i dont know what to do now.. i’m already spacing out… i wanted to save this relationship but its so difficult now… i really need some help… thank you…
Hi Whale
I’m sorry to hear you have been having problems with your girlfriend.
To be honest, from what you tell me about the relationship, I think you would be better off without this girl. You deserve better.
You are both very young and she seems very immature too. I think she has a lot of growing up to do.
I know you wanted to save the relationship, especially as you have put a lot of time, money and effort into it, but in this case I would say you should put it down to experience and move on.
There are plenty more girls out there and one day you will find someone who appreciates you and with whom you can have an honest relationship.
I wish you all the best for the future.
I just dont know what to do. My GF and I are really struggling with our relationship and fight constantly. We have a 9 month old daughter and we both feel committed to the family life we always talked about.
We have been together for over 2 years and were colleagues before we got together. She has never had a relationship over 2 years (we are both mid thirties) which worried me when we go together but assumed it was coz she hadnt met the right guy. I thought I was that guy. She was perfect for me in every way. I got a tattoo of her name, we clicked like no one i have ever known. I remember driving home to see her each night thinking I was the luckiest man alive.
She has been diagnosed as having an anxiety disorder that means she worries about everything all the time – mainly over our dau. We had issues conceiving and she struggled in childbirth and is very protective of our dau so much so that I have only looked after her on my own twice. Her anxiety means she doesn’t have much time for anything other than worry. I feel I walk on egg shells with her all the time and any thing outside of her routine sets her off – then we either fight, she shouts at me or I walk out.
I have learnt as much as I can about her condition and encourage her to do self help, she refuses to take any medication or go to counselling. I accept that is her choice.
I have told her time and time again that I don’t want her to say F off to me but when she gets angry she says it over and over again. We don’t row very well, I keep pushing and she acts bitchy and starts acting like a child would.
I went to a football match, we were going away the day after. We planned to leave that day to take into account the football. We were going to pack in the morning. She told me I shouldnt have gone as there was packing to be done. As I had worked late all week too which meant she was feeling isolated i think. It all went wrong in the morning, we had a terrible fight, she said she was leaving me, I was no support and that everyone was wrong about me and that I am terrible father. She went away to the holiday home with our dau and told me not to come. She called me on the way and started having a go at me again, I told her we could seek counselling but she said she would rather shoot herself. I told her we should try and come up with ideas to make it work. She kept having a go at me so i told her we cant talk until she stopped going over the row – we ended the call. She said I was being cold and clinical. I asked her to at least text me when they were safe – she didnt.
I texted her overnight to say I could drive up to see her and sort it face to face. She has not replied.
I do love her, deep down she is kind and generous but she is emotional and can be very hard. Her family are beginning to hate me as they see her upset and I am the cause to them. She has no relationship with my family as she thinks they are all selfish. My mum has only seen my dau four times since she was born. This hurts me. There is history and my mum was insensitive to my gf over the death of her cat but my gf wont budge on it and brings up my selfish family in every row.
She is the most attractive person in the world to me. We had a great sex life, now we don’t have sex more than once a month, she is too tired, she has had some physical complications too which sometimes I haven’t been as sensitive to as I might. She knows I am frustrated, in the past we used our imagination or did other things other than sex, now she wont.
I am stuck her alone away from my dau and the woman I love. She wont return my calls or texts asking her if she got there ok. I really get the feeling now she is giving up. I am worried I might be starting to think this is a lost cause too. I am starting to think about practicalities of us splitting like money etc.
I have needs, emotional and physical, which have not been meet for months, I like affection etc she doesn’t. I have bad days and she is good support then but normally it is me constantly reassuring her. It drains me. I do agree that a new baby impacts things but I am jealous of my friends whose wifes/gf just seem to cope better with life and being mums and dont forget they have a partner too.
I just want to know is this worth saving and if so how. Please comment. I need insight as I am totally clouded.
Hi Gareth
I am very sorry to hear you are having such a lot of problems with your relationship.
If your girlfriend has an anxiety disorder, then she really should get some medical help, but if she is refusing to get help then there is not a lot you can do. It must be very difficult for you to cope, especially as you have a young daughter to think of as well.
I would suggest that you go to your own doctor and ask to be referred to a counseller. Although your girlfriend is refusing to get help, there is no reason why you should not get help for yourself and go to counselling. It may help you to talk things over with a professional and to help you to get things into perspective so you can decide what to do for the best.
Your situation is very complicated and I am sorry that I cannot offer you a definite solution, but I would urge you to seek professional advice.
I wish you all the very best.
Hi, your comments seem very helpful I was hoping you could give me some advice. My first boyfriend recently broke up with me after 3 months of our relationship every time we were together it was great and the only problems we had is we were away from each other alot of the time and I could never bring myself to talk about this problem and in turn he felt like he didnt want this relationship and did not mention it to me either, he went away for a month and during this time we didnt talk much i thought space was necessary because it is exam time of the year but he came back with a certainty to end this relationship after he had thought about it for the time away but i think his decision was too quick and i think we could improve on it plus next academic year we are guna be much closer (in terms of distance) to each other and we can see each other more then but i dont know if he has thought about this, should i ask? or should i accept and move on? also he is going away for a furthur 3 months and coming back but i dont want to lose him during this time? so lost and confused.
Hi Abbey
It is always painful when someone breaks up with you, especially if he was your first boyfriend.
You are both very young and to be honest it seems like he does not want a long term serious relationship.
I think you should be strong and let him go. I know this will be very painful for you but if he has made a decision that he wants to end the relationship, there is not much you can do. If you try and talk him out of his decision you will could come across as being too needy which is a big turn off. The best thing you can do is to accept his decision and show you are happy with it (even if you are not happy).
Move on and get on with your life. Do the things that make you happy and feel good about yourself. Concentrate on your studies but also make time to go out with your girlfriends and have fun.
You probably wont believe it now, but in time you will get over this and meet someone else, I promise you. There are lots of other nice guys out there and there is someone special for you. You deserve someone who will love and appreciate you.
I wish you well.
I noticed you were giving extraordinary advice, and I would like your opinion on my current break up.
He is definitely my best friend. We started dating October 2009 – and we were the happiest couple alive. I’d been in a serious relationship the year previous, and he made me feel better and beautiful again. He understood me when no one else did.
Being his girlfriend wasn’t always necessarily easy, though. His family is a tad complicated. He is never allowed to take me out on dates (we’ve been on two in the time span of our relationship) due to money problems in the family, he can never pick me up when he takes me to church with him nor take me home, and he can rarely come over to my house to see my family.
Those setbacks were easy for me to handle, though, because I absolutely love him. I had his love, and he made me happy – love is strong.
I have jealousy issues, admittedly. But this last month, he started texting this girl more often than he was even talking to me. He did that with other girls, too, but they were our friends and it never really bothered me. This girl bothered me. I didn’t want to control him, though, so I didn’t do much about it. I did question it once, and he said to trust him.
On Wednesday, though, he broke up with me. For her.
He claims this is because he just wants to be crazy for a while. He still cares about me, and he wants us to remain good friends. I tried, but he sent me a message about how beautiful and funny the girl is. I couldn’t handle it.
Today he told me, again, he just wants to be a little crazy for now. Being his friend, I asked him for some advice. We did this even while dating. I would pretend that we were just friends and I was looking for advice about my boyfriend – he did the same thing with me. It kept our communication open and took away some of the intensity.
I told him the love of my life dumped me for another girl, but I still love him and don’t want to give up on something that feels so right.
Him: Do you love him?
Me: Yes, more than anything.
Him: Do you care about him?
Me: Of course. So much.
Him: Do you think he’s making a mistake?
Me: By leaving me for her? Yes. Not because I think I’m better. But because it’s not easy to be his girl. You really have to care and be committed. I loved it. I don’t think she will.
Him: Do you think he’s being stupid?
Me: Yes and no. Yes for the reasons I just said. No because it’s just how he is sometimes.
Him: Well, what you have to do is let him be dumb.
Me: But -
Him: I know it hurts. It hurts like hell. But when it’s done? When he burns himself playing with fire? He’ll come back.
Me: If I truly loved him, then I should be able to wait. Right?
Him: Yes.
Obviously implying that he does intend on being mine again…I’m a bit conflicted. I want to wait for him (this doesn’t mean I’ll stop having fun or anything), because he means so much to me and I love him. My father told me he will eventually want me back, because that’s what happens when guys do this stuff, but the decision is mine on whether or not I accept him.
Again, I want to wait. I have a lot of faith in our love. But I’m scared of their relationship. Advice?
Hi Nikki
It sounds like your relationship was very complicated. You mentioned that he was hardly ever able to take you out on dates because of complications with his family. But I am wondering what these complications were.
I have to be honest and say it sounds to me that you had a raw deal with your boyfriend and now he is more or less asking you to wait while he has a relationship with someone else.
I know you love him and things are very upsetting for you but I think you should be strong and let him go. He has made the decision to be with someone else and there is nothing you can do.
Tell me why you should wait for him? What a cheek! Why would you want him back when he has been with someones else? I think you deserve much better than that.
I know this is not what you want to hear, but in my opinion you should move on with your life and put him behind you. Go out and find someone else who will love and appreciate you and not treat you in such a bad way.
Do not waste you life waiting for this selfish man to come back to you.
I wish you all the best.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story. And you’re absolutely right, I do deserve a lot better than him. I truly appreciate your advice.
i have a serious problem, my current boyfriend, whom i been dating for the past two months and been his friend for months before we started dating. The problem is that it is we both live three and a half hours away from each other. We communicate by phone and texting, rarely get to see each other due to money problems and school. The past week has been rough, he got kicked out his house that he was living with his family, and he has been crashing at his friends. The one friend that made the relationship very rocky is his friend Courtney. he said he had to sleep in bed with her because other friends were sleeping on the floor and the couches. He said she was moaning to make him hard and that she was naked. this made me jealous and scared because i thought right this moment “is he going to cheat?” … then he said to me that her moaning isn’t making him hard because he is loyal, committed to me and would never cheat. i trusted him. Two days later he texted me saying “Baby, i need you here right now” and i replied saying i wish i could but couldnt go because of school. later i got a message saying that we should break up. i didn’t reply but he sent me another msg saying “i am living a lie” and i replied to him saying how? He replied that everything was. i asked if the relationship was fake, replies with a “no, its real” .. i replied then what is a lie, he said he lied about having his drivers but he got it suspended and has to redo it, that he lied about his virginity, he said to me that he had sex many times but he said he is actually a virgin, he said when we first dated, he said it was fake, but changed his mind when he saw me caring about him and that he actually wants a life with me. i didnt reply fast because i am a slow texter, he said “he understands if we break up, and will always love me.” i told him that i dont care about those lies and asked if he can stop lieing. he told me that he is so depressed that he wants to end his life, i told him if you end your life, then what happends to me, he replied that it will make him happy .. his friend texted me saying that Jason is having a depression and he is hoping that i can cheer him up. i replied saying that the only thing that cheer him up is when me and Jason are actually together face to face becuase he cherishes those moments. He sent me a text message saying that i should come see him and that he never saw his friend like this before. i told him that i cannot right away because of exams comming up. Patrick replied saying come during the summer and i agreed. i told him to take care of him until i come to his town. Jason is depressed because of his life going out of control. im scared of whats going to happen next.
Hi Lakeysha
I am sorry to hear about the problems you are having with your boyfriend.
It sounds to me like your boyfriend needs some professional help if he is talking about ending his life. You (or his friend) should encourage him to visit his doctor for help and advice.
You cannot be held responsible for his well being and asking you to go to see him when you have exams coming up is being selfish on his part. Your exams are very important to you and you should not have the worry he is causing you during this time.
I am not very impressed with his story of having to share a bed with a naked girl either. Was it really necessary?
I will be honest with you and give you my opinion. You are very young and have only been dating this boy for 2 months but already he is causing you worry and problems. Is this what you really want? Added to this is the fact that you live so far away from each other.
You obviously care for your boyfriend and want to try and help him, but you should do some serious thinking about whether you really want a future with him.
Hello, nearly three weeks ago, my boyfriend of almost a year broke our relationship off. I will try to briefly explain some of the surrounding factors why our relationship didn’t work out in a clear way and would appreciate any advice you may have for me!
He and I dated, admittedly, when we didn’t know each other well. We shared mutual aquaintances, went to the same church and had classes together at university, but delved into a relationship prematurely. We broke up for several months during which we had limited, but cordial contact. We began seeing each other again last year and fell in love; it was wonderful. He brought excitement into my life with his adventurous spirit and I was told I made him a more sensitive, connected person. We of course had our ups and downs and had to reevaluate our relationships occasionally. Yet, we agreed that our ability to work out our disagreements and our empathy for the other’s feelings were an asset to us. He is 26, has a graduate degree and still lives at home with his parents. I am 22, just graduated from college and pursuing my own career. He has lots of wanderlust and is moving abroad for a year to teach school. As I am in a transition myself, I have looked to him as a guidepost to my future.. I.E. If we get married, where will I live, work etc. He told me I’m the only girl he’s ever loved and he doesn’t think he could find a better partner. Recently this summer we had an amazing vacation at the beach, museums, & lovely meals before he goes to Europe for the year. I expressed my concern that we don’t have any commitments for when he returns. I do tend to have anxiety over issues, but I also think he has issues claiming his “adultness.” He was clear that he loved me but his vision for us doesn’t align because he said he doesn’t know what he wants. The culmination of the break up occurred when I expressed frustration/ coldness (perhaps neediness) when he ended a Skype conversation earlier than I wanted. (dumb, I know) He said he needed time to sort out how he can meet my needs, but after a day of space to think, his conclusion was that we needed to break up. He told me he “doesn’t think or know” if he’d ever want to marry me. I have been seeing a counselor for the grieving, but still carry on hope that our love will reunite us when we our both more capable of a healthy relationship. I am giving him space and not contacting, although it is tempting. Do you think our relationship can work? I need him to meet me half way. I don’t think we’ve had enough time with each other to let it go indefinitely. And with that, I’ll end it. Thank you in advance!
Hi Cate
It is always heartbreaking when a wonderful relationship ends.
Your boyfriend is going away to work for a year and a lot can happen in a year. You are both still very young and I think it is asking a lot to expect him to make a commitment to you when he is going away for a year. There is a saying that if you love someone, then set them free. I think you should try and be very strong and tell him you agree to the breakup and let him go. Wish him all the luck in the world and then move on with your life.
Even though it will be very hard for you, I think this is the best thing to do. He has made his decision and really there is nothing you can do about it.
If you let him go with good grace, he will think very highly of you and you will both have the wonderful memory of your relationship to cherish.
Try and make some plans for your own future to look forward to. Turn to your family and girlfriends for support and you will get through this, I promise you.
Best of luck for the future.
Hi,
Sorry to bother you with another relationship problem..But I haven’t been able to talk to anyone impartial, and it may just be useful to write my feelings down.
I have been going out with my boyfriend for a year and half, we met whilst volunteering in Ecuador and have been inseparable ever since. I am 20 and he is 23. The real test of our relationship was always going to be when we returned back to England and back to our normal lives and friendships after 6 months away, but thankfully we made it through, easily. I get on so well with his friends and family and vice versa.
We’ve been so bloody happy together and, granted, we’ve had our arguments and off moments but doesn’t every couple? I am truly in love with him and he suggested when I finish my degree (in 2 years) we should move in together.
However we’d had a couple of arguments recently and last week I’d noticed he was acting a bit strange – not being as affectionate or responsive towards me. I jokingly asked him “are you going off me or something?!” and unfortunately did not get the reaction I had expected. He just sort of looked at me and I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t breathe and grabbed my stuff and told him I wanted to go home.
I got into my car and he followed me out crying, saying that he wanted to talk.. He ended up telling me that he’s not been feeling quite the same about us lately and that he feels like “something has died inside him” and that he feels “hollow” and “nothing” towards me. I was absolutely shocked, this has come out of nowhere. I asked him when he was planning on telling me this and he said he wasnt planning on breaking up with me that week, he was just kind of staying with me hoping the feelings would come back or that it would all come to the surface somehow, but when I directly asked him if he was going off me he said he couldn’t lie to me.
What’s confusing is he says that he doesn’t think he’ll ever find what we had again. So I was like well what are you doing then you idiot! And he just cried and says he just doesnt feel how he should towards me, and that maybe he’s just not meant to be with anyone..
I spoke to my friends about this and they were all completely shocked. I expected them to say things like “forget him, you werent working anyway, move on” or “oh what a bastard!” but instead theyve all just said things like “sorry to say this but you guys were excellent together”. None of us understand.
He says that we’re disfunctional and arent meant to be together. I was angry and said “you promised me you would never lose me again!” (we had a bit of a rough patch before) and he said that he still means it, he doesnt want to lose me and thats why he was too scared to say anything..
I decided to write him a letter just sort of talking things through, I expressed my confusion..asked him how he was feeling, what was going on..saying that I don’t think this is right. I really do believe our relationship is worth saving. Usually when Ive been through break ups I’ve been absolutely devastated and wanted them back but deep down I’ve always know that actually the break up was probably for the best, or that the relationship wasnt great anyway. But with this guy it just does not feel right. No part of me can accept this.
So yeah, I wrote him the letter then sent him a quick message telling him to give it a read, if only for my sake. A day passed and I got no reply, so I sent another message asking him to at least just say something before he went on holiday (he’s there now). In response he blocked me on facebook and blocked my numbers.
In anger and confusion I sent him a message from my brothers phone expressing my upset, asking what the hell was going on, and he replied saying “All I’m asking for is some space. You’re doing the opposite. Leaving in a minute have a nice week xxx”.
This has now confused me, the fact that he’s asked for space sort of implies that he might come back but he said that we’re not meant to be together, and that we’re disfunctional..and if his feelings have “gone” then how could they come back?
As you can see I’m very confused. There seem to be too many contradictions within this situation for me to move on. What shall I do?!
Hi Amy
I am very sorry to hear about your relationship problems and I agree with you that it does seem very confusing.
The trouble is people do change. What they wanted at some stage in their lives, they may no longer want anymore.
You got on so well when you were abroad together but even though you say things were still great when you returned home, maybe the novelty has now worn off for your boyfriend.
You are both very young. Perhaps your boyfriend has decided he wants other things from life or maybe he just has cold feet about getting too serious in a relationship.
I am sorry I cannot be more helpful but it is difficult to know what another person is feeling. All I can advise is that you give him the space he is asking for and let him have some time on his own. I know this is very difficult to do when you are feeling so upset and emotional, but if you try to force things with him, it could push him further away from you.
So try and be strong and stay away from him until he is ready to talk to you. But don’t sit at home by yourself moping about him, keep yourself busy and maybe try have a girly night out with some of your friends.
I wish you all the best.
okay, i’ve posted on here before and things had got better…
But things have started going down hill, again, over the last few months.
Im not sure how to say this so i’ll be straight:
My girlfriend of 3 and half years has been on the pill for a long time now and she started (a few months ago) saying that it hurts her to have sex? Just a certain area down there…
We barely ever have sex anymore, like once a fortnight at a push! I know sex isn’t everything but without it, my mind starts to wonder down the “if she’s not having sex with me, then is she…” road. We talked (huge argument, nearly broke up) and i essentially said that i cannot live the rest of my life not having sex because i need it to be able to feel close to her because nowadays i feel uncomfortable getting undressed in front of her. She said she has no libido whatsoever anymore.
Now last week she accompanied her friend to the local clinic because her friend needed the morning after pill and she said she went to “support her”. Now this friend of hers i know very well and she is definitely not the type to need someone there for her, she can look after herself very well. I got told, they sat there for an hour waiting as it was very busy, but then discovered her friend could get the pill from a GP instead and did that. I then find out my girlfriend had came out with loads of free condoms and said it was for no real reason and was purely just because they were free. She now keeps them in her bag (bearing in mind this is just what she told me,) i have not seen them yet, don’t know how many are in there and rather than leave them round my house (only place we really ever have sex) she insists she keeps them in her bag.
Today, post-argument, she said that she wanted to come off the pill and start using condoms to see if her libido comes back.
Now, to anybody else this probably sounds like a legit situation, but the way i see it is;
“We never have sex, she unnecesarily went to a clinic with her friend, keeps condoms in her bag and wants me to start using them.”
Factor all this with her going off to uni in a month from now… im getting rather worried.
Please can someone help me???
Hi Chris
It sounds to me that you have a trust issue with your girlfriend.
Research now days shows that taking the pill over long periods of time is not always a good thing for a woman, it can also lead to problems with fertility.
If you girlfriend is experiencing soreness during sex, then it is not surprising that she does not want to have sex very often. She should seek advice from her doctor.
I do not think that having a bag full of condoms is going to make your girlfriend be unfaithful to you. If she was that way inclined she would do it anyway.
I think the real problem is about your girlfriend going off to uni. Reading between the lines, I think you are scared of losing her when she goes away. But making accusations and causing arguments is not going to help the situation. You really need to sit down and talk to each other in a calm and rational way and be honest with each other.
I hope you can work things out between you both and I wish you all the best.
Hi, I am on the brink of losing my bf after 1 and a half yrs. I adore him more than anything and I am sure he feels the same, but we have real trust issues in our relationship. He got with me knowing I had 2 children and I have to remain in contact with their dad who cheated on me, to arrange their care but he cannot handle it.
We have always had a real fun loving relationship and the chemistry between us just electric but since I lost my dad early this year and he started a more intense job, things have really gone downhill. He doesn’t show as much attention and affection because his energy goes into his job and I have felt really down since losing my dad and starting my last year at uni which I’m finding really stressful.
I really don’t want to lose the love of my life but we are constantly arguing at the moment, not a day goes by where we do not talk or argue about my ex husband… I find this really hard as that relationship is well and truly in my past but I’m forced to have him in my life still on a daily basis. I’m finding things hard too in that we were so loved up and my bf constantly made his feelings clear about how he felt about me but now even though he stills shows me some affection, it is nothing compared to before.
I don’t know if losing my dad has anything to do with the way I am feeling because my perception of my life seemed to alter when this happened and my dad was like my best friend. I don’t know if I am pushing him away as I lost my husband and my dad and so I do not want to let him get close so i don’t get hurt again.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks
Hi Jodie
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad and also your relationship problems.
Losing your dad has obviously been a really big upset for you and you will need time to come to terms with it. I am wondering if you have had anyone (besides your boyfriend) to talk to about it. Maybe you could consider some grief counselling? Losing a parent, especially one you were very close to, is bound to affect they way you look at life now.
I do think your boyfriend is being a bit selfish and insensitive to be arguing with you about your ex. He should try and get over his jealously by now. But then again, he does have the pressure of his new job to deal with.
I think you and your boyfriend need to find some time to sit down and talk to each other in a calm and relaxed way. Each of you should take turns and explain the way you feel about things. There has to be give and take and some compromise in all relationships.
Arguing and bickering all the time will get you nowhere.
Life and relationships change over time and the intensity of a new relationship is bound to settle down in time and bu6 hopefully it can become a deep mature love.
I understand what you are saying about not wanting to lose anyone or get hurt again, but just try and take one day at a time. Things often have a way of working themselves out in the end.
I wish you all the very best.
Hi,
I am writing to you because your advice seems quite helpful and honestly, I don’t know where else to turn. My boyfriend and I have been together for 10months, to the day actually. We’ve always had small arguments and only one or two more serious arguments. Then in October I was diagnosed with severe depression and I admitted myself to a phsychiatric unit for a few days to get the help I needed and to try to save our relationship. This seemed to help for a while, but then my boyfriends problem with prescription opioids started to spiral out of control. I threatened to leave a few times but never actually did and then he decided to get help. I waited for him to make this decision because I knew he needed to want to do it for himself, not just for me. So I went with him to see about a rehab and he has a bed date of the 27th. I sat at home with home for five days and helped him through the withdrawals and I did this because I loved him, not because I felt like I had to. Then on Friday night a guy that I used to hook up and was very close to messaged me and we started talking. Now I honestly don’t have a lot of friends and I just saw this as an opportunity to get out of the house and talk to an old friend so I lie to my boyfriend and went to dunkin donuts to meet this guy for coffee. We sat an talked for about an hour about my boyfriend, his girlfriend, and just things that have happened in our life. I didn’t tell my boyfriend where I was going because I knew he wasn’t fond of this guy but I honestly did not cheat on him. My boyfriend found out today and he’s so mad that he’s thinking about breaking up with me. I know what I did was wrong. I should have talked my boyfriend about it and I definitely shouldn’t of his it from him. He doesn’t trust me when I try to tell him that nothing happened which hurts me because I have never given him any reason not to trust me before this. I totally understand that he’s hurt but if I didn’t love him, or if I was just going to cheat, I wouldn’t have stayed with him through this whole addiction and I would have just left. Now I don’t know what to do.. I don’t know if I should continue to try to save our relationship, give up on it, or just give it time. I love him with everything in me. Another thing is that he doesn’t understand why it’s hard for me emotionally through his addiction because he says he’s going to stay clean but how do I know that? I can’t live life constantly worried about where he his or what he’s doing ..
Please, any advice would be helpful, especially from someone who’s not involved. Thank you.
Hi Chelsea
First of all I want to say that you need to know that you are a very brave and strong person. In spite of suffering from depression yourself, you have still stood by your boyfriend and helped him to get over his addiction. Well done!
It sounds like your boyfriend is still in a bad place and is feeling very needy. But he should trust you by now. Perhaps you should have told him you were going to meet your ex boyfriend, but I wonder what his reaction would have been? You felt you needed to get out for a while and talk to someone, which is not surprising. You did nothing wrong in my opinion and should not be made to feel guilty.
You should ask yourself how you want to live your life. Do you really want to be tied to someone who doesn’t trust you and dictates who you can and cannot see?
I know you obviously love and care for for boyfriend, but you have only been together for 10 months and already you are having big problems. As you say you also have the worry that your boyfriend may have a relapse.
You cannot be held responsible for another person’s actions. My honest opinion is that you should cut your losses and move on. You have done your best by him and have help him through his addiction. It is now time for you to do what is best for you and get on with your own life.
Be strong, you deserve to be happy!
I wish you all the best.
hi..
i need your advice
here is short of my story
im dating an overseas man.. i knw him since 2008 and start relation on 2010.. now its almost 2 years relation.. we love each other but as we are young couple, im 21 and he is 27,
we still act childish, with so much big jealouse, over protective and something like that.. both of us are stone.. we had more than 10 times tryin to break up with so much causes
first, his family doesnt know me and his parents abit strict as they only want their son marry to same race (cultural)
second, he will not stay in my country forever but so far we try to find the way how to be together forever
third, more than third times unknown people inform me that my bf was goin to marry with someone in his country n its still in process (arranged marriage), but my bf said that is only a gossip (but after some months, my bf told me , the fact is he planned to marry with a girl in his country , she was his first love, his family really want him to marry that girl,,,, thats why before he leave, he said that, when he back to his own country , he will marry that girl but unfortunately after 3 years.. they lost contact.. the girl gettin busy in university and the boy gettin busy with his work.. right at that time, i met him.. and start relation
when he came back to his country.. he still tried to get back that girl and made up (my relation with him only 4 months) but the girl refused him coz of some missunderstanding (the girl might heard something about me), now my bf wont let me go coz he knows i love him more than anything and no one could love him as much as i do, he loves me too now but his family still wants him to marry with that girl)
we always fight for small thing n everytime we fight, i always start talkin about that arranged marriage.. and day by day,, our relation getting crazy.. so hard to trust each other.. all in our head is only big question mark,
me (does he really love me? is the arranged marriage really over? does he really forget that girl?)
my bf (when will she trust me? will my family accept her? can we be together? and blah)
since that time , i started thinkin that our relation is actually has broken.. but we still cant let go of each other.. my bf always warning me, if i cant trust him, and we cant stop fighting, he will start lookin for a girl only to hurt me.. because so far he cant leave me.. he tried but the more he try the more i run to take him back and at the end, he let himself fall again into my arms.. when everything was gettin okay once i found its real what he had said, i found he was tryin to talk to random girls, start talkin naughty with them in message.. im so messed up..
but then my bf explained me “i was tryin to leave you but u wont stop fight for me.. i was crazy thinkin of this fuckin relation, i dont know how to make you hate me, thats why i talk to them and i was planning to show you that im with so many girls now only to make you stop holding me because this relation gives me so much thought but once again you take me back to your arms n i cant hurt you.. i back again to you.. you win.. please forgive me.. i love you
that is the last time i fight with him.. im so broken but we still together.. i love him
Hi Lady
Your relationship seems very troubled and complicated. I really think you need to step back a bit and have some space from your relationship so you can think things through properly.
If you can get away on your own for a while I think it will help you to get a proper prospective on your relationship. Perhaps if you can stay with some friends or relatives for a couple of weeks it will help you to see things more clearly. When you are in a situation it is difficult to get a grip on things.
So my advice would be to take a step back and cut off all contact with your boyfriend for a while. Explain to him that you need some time to yourself. If he is half decent he will be understanding and give you the time and space you need.
I wish you all the best.
Back again -.-
Had some rough patches over the last few months, but we had talked and decided that neither of us were putting enough effort into the relationship to actually do stuff that makes us happy. We were stuck in a rut of either going to each other’s houses 4-5 days a week just for a few hours and not really doing much, just, hanging out. Sex was barely once a week, “going out” would be pathetic stuff like going to a supermarket to just generally look around and burn some time. We (I Initiated the conversation after she told me I had changed and I’m not like I used to be) agreed we needed to actually do stuff like we used to at the start of our relationship. But that has now seemed to have stopped again.
Granted, she has Uni work/exams and her granddad has just been diagnosed with the big C, BUT, surely that’s no reason to accuse me of ‘suffocating’ her by calling her and texting her to ask if she is okay? Because I was worried about her emotional state and wanted to know if she needed anything?
Last night, we had an argument that sparked out of nowhere, can’t even remember what it was about. I was driving her back to her house (she moved home and now commutes to Uni because it’s cheaper), she was telling me about some hench black guy who was messing one of her friends about and how her friends friend got with that guy and now she can’t sit down because she’s so sore… I wasn’t particularly interested in that part of the story until she said that it’s a ‘fact’ that Asians are tighter… that sparked a little argument haha, but I was listening to her and taking in what she was saying.
AH just remembered, my dad works for an automobile tyre/exhaust/brake type company and my girlfriend needs her cars brakes changed and we had originally arranged to do it on Tuesday but couldn’t because parts weren’t there, then changed it to Thursday (Today) UNTIL, my dad told me only an hour or so before the next argument about to flourish, that a guy was off sick so obviously couldn’t do the job so it had to be moved to Saturday instead. I forgot this until the journey back to her house when she asked about it and I said, “oh yeah, can’t do it tomorrow now…”, before I could finish telling her and explain the situation and say that my dad will just take it in for her on Saturday: “WHY HAVEN’T YOU TOLD ME SOONER… MY MUM BLAHBLAHBLAH…”! I got angry as my dad is going out of his way to get her the parts at a discount price and free fitting and was doing his best to fit her car into the company’s busy schedule and she is getting angry because I didn’t tell her soon enough??? I didn’t get angry at first but she carried on and eventually I snapped and shouted “THE GUY IS OFF SICK AND CANT DO THE WORK FOR F***S SAKE!!!”
The rest of the way back to hers was just silent. Got there and she originally wanted me to come in but she bluntly said “see you later.” I sarcastically replied “wow. Okay then…”
She said “are you coming in or not? Because I want to watch my TV programme and I have already missed the beginning because of you.”
I started to say “I don’t know…” expecting to try and resolve the situation and she just got out, walked to her house, went in and shut the door.
So, I just left. Went home.
Then get a text 5 minutes later “You know how much of a crap time I’m going through at the moment, yet you’re being the least bit supportive and you’re making me miserable”. I thought wow, after all the effort I have been putting in to be supportive over the last few months, that tiny little argument automatically disregards everything else.
I replied “I don’t want to be around you when you’re treating me like this. I haven’t even done ANYTHING wrong!”
I get “The way you talk to me. When I was telling you about my friend you didn’t seem interested in what I was saying. Then you shouted at me. Maybe we should take some time apart”
Again, whaaaat….??? Completely out of nowhere.
I explained how all of what she just said was ridiculous and I only shouted at her because she took something out on me that wasn’t my fault! Don’t shoot the messenger.
She then claims I’m not taking her seriously. I said to her I felt like she was trying to create problems and that maybe I should be suspicious of her…
“I am not trying to create problems. All you do is flip it on to me. I have seen you change a lot recently, from your new obsession with other women in magazines and stuff to talking about your ‘other GF’ a lot. I want you to make me happy but you’re not. I am constantly in a state of misery.”
Pretty strong wording right?
Firstly, I bought A magazine, ONE magazine. An issue of FHM. Where’s the obsession?
Secondly, this ‘other GF’ is something SHE started a few weeks ago!!! I now occasionally joke (because its 10000000000% not true :L) about it saying stupid things like how my ‘other GF’ likes … blahblahblah. Yet now she thinks I genuinely have another GF!!!
Back to the texts, I said that it felt to me that she had cheated and she was trying to shift her guilt by blaming all this stuff on me and accuse me of having another GF and she reacted “Are you f****** kidding me? Who the F*** would I have cheated on you with? If you seriously think that, F*** You.”
I explained that reacting like that will only make how I feel worse. She then said “How dare you accuse me of that when you have absolutely no evidence. This is what I’m talking about. You know what a crap time I’m having ATM, which is going to make me more sensitive. I need you and you’re just not there for me.”
I again replied by saying she’s making it worse by detaching herself and getting defensive and turning it on me and I said that I have been there for her, ALL the time, but it seems like she just hasn’t noticed it.
“Again. You’re always blaming me. Why don’t you look at yourself for once? Why is it that you can never do anything wrong? Man up and take responsibility Chris. You’re 21.”
I literally sent this back, “Hahaha! You’re so deluded by your own hypocrisy, it’s unreal. Clearly I’m just “not a good enough boyfriend”. Treading dangerous waters Abbie, careful what you say now”. At the time I was thinking if she carried on like that, it’s over.
“You always were. But you’ve changed so much recently. Please don’t threaten me Chris. I’m being completely honest with you.”
I didn’t read this text until an hour later as I had a nice relaxing bath! =]
But along with that text, I also find “I love how I reply to your messages straight away. And you take over half an hour. Shows a lot.” Then “You’re obviously too busy. Lol. And you say I’m treading dangerous waters? F****** joke. You have no idea how angry I am at you. Don’t turn up at my house tomorrow as I have too much work to do.” Followed by her twitter update of “F***. YOU.”
I sent back “hah, I go for a bath and come back to this? THAT’S a joke.”
Which leaves me here, sat wondering what the hell this is all about! Am I missing something? Could there be somebody else or something that has happened and she is hiding from me? Or is she just being a mental b****? I’m really struggling to think of a reason why I should bother with her anymore, I just want to be happy, I don’t want to be happy 50% of the time and spend the other 50% angry, upset, feeling lost/unwanted.
That’s another thing that’s bugging me actually, she recently out of nowhere has gotten REALLY horny but hasn’t tried to… initiate anything with me? This is really bugging me because I’ve always had an old saying stuck in my head since I heard it a few years back, “if she’s not doing it with you, she’s doing it with someone else…”
Please can you enlighten me? The whole situation is beginning to affect other parts of my life.
Hi Chris
After reading your long message, I have to ask why you and your girlfriend are in a relationship together!
All you ever seem to do is to wind each other up and score points of each other. Granted relationships have to be worked at, but you do not seem to be making each other happy, only miserable.
Life is too short to be wasting time and being unhappy.
If you cannot be happy together, then cut your losses and find someone new. There are plenty of other girls in the world.
Good luck and be happy.